*I'm so obsessed with how bad my life is.
I honestly think, with all due respect, that your expectations of women are far too high. Very few Western women are any longer naive enough not to know that sexual favours can be used to manipulate men. Your entire mindset seems rooted in an era of experimental liberation (largely rhetorical) in the Sixties and Seventies which was dismissed by the Eighties and its cult of materialism. The only contemporary women who do not use sexual manipulation for material reward are lower class women, and these are largely attracted to moronic thugs and thus off-limits to intelligent, introspective guys like you. Some young middle class liberal chicks might not fit these categories but these are only interested in young guys and you are now too old for them.
I think in general that the older guys get the less that 'youth culture' liberation thing means to women. As they age, women get more embedded in conventional expectations of men as money-machines and frankly, younger women think of mature men in this way too. Women think of guys over 25 as 'marks' to provide them with material security and frankly, you've missed the bus at 35 for them to think anything different.
Your problem is a problem of failing to grasp these new social realities. At your age you need to jettison your whole 'youth culture' presentation of self because frankly, women just view mature guys without wealth credentials as losers. You need to make over your image into an alpha guy with money and authority to impress women at 35: otherwise, you're just 'pissing in the wind' as the English say.
Sorry I cannot be more optimistic.
*Are you saying I need to lie or misrepresent myself as an alpha with money and authority, in order to not be depressed for a lack of a sex life?
If you really want a sex life of that type, at your age, yes. Your other presentation of self has clearly failed you. What do you have to lose?
*All I know is, I seem to hit against all the "hip", sexy-looking, mini-skirted girls who LOOK very casual, but do not really behave that way most of the time.
Or any of the time. This reminds me of Midnight Cowboy. Old Joe Buck the naive Longhorn comes up to NYC from Texas, thinking that all the liberated women are going to pay him for sex. He soon finds out that they are not really liberated at all. A revolutionary film that shatters the Anglo-American Sixties myth of female sexual profligacy.
The Sixties was just a tiny minority of rich kids in London and Los Angeles. Thinking the 60s changed anything is just SSSOOOOO lame these days. Hippies hide in enclaves because they don't want their outmoded sugar-puff ideas trashed by the real world. 'Come with the gentle people': what a crock of shit.
*If I had my own place, would it be easier?
It should be. Moving away a little from your desired template (20, nubile, ravishing, etc.) would also help. I also think a presentation of self makeover would be appropriate at your age. Thinking one is going to be a rock-star at 20 is silly-OK, but thinking stuff like that at 35 is just plain silly. Women generally regard an undue attachment to stuff like youth culture as a mark of frivolity in an older man (whatever they might SAY). Remember that youth culture is usually jettisoned by women as they move into their 20s, and adopt selfish Cosmo values. And young girls are probably suspicious of older guys as opportunist sex predators. Women aren't stupid, you know. They might be less intelligent, but their social awareness is far more advanced.
*I feel so alienated...
You are one of many Anglo-Americans who is out of kilter with Anglo-Saxon values, The Anglo-American template is commercial and if you depart too much from that women just think you have little to offer since they are inherently more socially conformist.
*What about foreign dating agencies?
I think the foreign dating option is interesting, but fraught with difficulties. It is an obvious way to circumvent the 'problem' of Anglo-American women and their vulpine values (gimme, gimme, gimme). Your ideal woman is notably the opposite of the typical Anglo-American Material Girl type (alternative, non-puritan, non-materialist). You are not alone in this:
However, it would be wise to go for a foreign women raised outside the Anglosphere, not just a girl of non-Anglo heritage. Remember, Anglicised foreign women will just have unsavoury Anglo values by adoption, thus defeating your whole object.
*I am just put off with the concept that if someone wants to experience sexual intimacy, one must have emotional closeness... Does society say I have to fake falling in love just to be able to experience sex?
It is not merely SOCIALLY condoned. Most psychologists, sociobiologists and the like would argue (I think rightly) that women have INNATE tendencies to expect commitment in a male partner before offering them sexual favours. This is because women have higher parental investment in fewer offspring, long term parenting/pregnancy duties, yadda yadda: and women who did not evolve a degree of sexual coyness did not survive to pass their genes on. Again, this 'blank slate' assumption about the female sexual persona is a discredited relic of the Sixties:
'Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can...?'
As Steven Pinker says, it's now hard to believe anyone ever believed in such treacle.